What am I going to do? Sam sat at his desk, his mind racing 100 miles per hour. He had bitten off more than he could chew, pushed himself past his limits and he was terrified.
Sam had always believed that if you weren’t living on the edge, then you were taking up too much room, that he could build the wings on the way down, that if he believed hard enough that the Universe would conspire in his favor. Everything that he had every believed in was now being tested all at the same time. There was no room for error. Financial disaster was imminent.
How could I be so naïve to believe such foolishness?
Sam got up from his desk and walked into the employee lounge, his mind still tormenting himself. He tried to breath, tried to think, but it felt like nothing would come to him, not even the air he so desperately needed. Sam started thinking about his financial ruin. How was he going to support his daughters? How could he tell them that he had failed? What were they going to think? He didn’t want to scare them. They didn’t need that kind of pressure on them, especially with their mother’s mental abuse they were already subjected to.
Just then, one of Sam’s colleagues walked into the lounge, “Hi, Sam,” Jim said as he headed to the watercooler. Sam gave a subtle, one finger wave and quickly left. He walked down the hall trying not to make eye contact with anyone, then ducted into the janitor’s closet. As soon as the door closed shut, he began sobbing uncontrollably. Tears streamed down Sam’s face as he pictured the frightened look on his daughter’s faces when explains how he had failed them all. He sat down on a mop bucket, covered his face with his hands and wept for several excruciating minutes.
Finally, his tears started to let up and his breathing returned to normal. Sam stood up, wiped the remaining tears from his face, took in one long, deep breath, held it and finally exhaled. He felt a little better. Nothing had changed, but the release of all that negative emotion gave room for something positive to enter. He stood there in the dark and began to think.
Don’t give up on your beliefs. Right now, the only thing you can control is your thoughts about the current situation. Your thoughts become your reality. Go for walk, take in some fresh air and clear your mind.
Sam opened the door to the janitor’s closet and stepped out into the hallway. Good, no one saw me coming out. He walked over to his desk, grabbed his jacket and headed downstairs to the back entrance.
Once outside, Sam allowed the coolness of the air to envelop his body before he put his jacket on. Then he took in a deep breath and began walking, taking in his surroundings.
The trees were beautiful with their leaves just starting to turn colors. The clouds looked so relaxed as they gently floated across the sky. Sam took it all in, noticing how right Now, everything was ok. Right Now, he was alive and surrounded by beauty.