New Job

         How does one measure a lifetime?  For Jim, it wasn’t in sunsets shared with a loved one or those special moments only found in the “space between.”  No, for Jim, it was measured in vodka shots!

         I’m not saying Jim was an alcoholic, but this guy consumed more vodka in a single day, than most Russians do in a week!  It was as if vodka coursed through his veins instead of blood.  The crazy thing about it though is Jim never appeared drunk.  I’m not sure if it was because I ever saw him sober or if maybe his body just adapted to functioning on alcohol, all I can tell you is that you would never have guessed that he had more shots of vodka than you had had cups of coffee before noon.

         I remember when I first met Jim.  It was my first day as a programmer for AppHole Labs.  I was excited to start my first job straight out of college and couldn’t wait to make a good impression.  I had just got my desk situated and headed to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and that’s when I noticed this guy standing by the watercooler.  There was something very unusual about him. 

         I walked over to the Keurig, grabbed a coffee cup and began brewing a cup of coffee when Jim said, “What’s up new guy?  My name’s Jim.”

         “Hey Jim, I’m Steve.  Nice to meet ya.”

         Jim shook my hand, looked me dead in my eyes and asked, “Wanna do a shot of vodka?” 

         I’m like, “What?  It’s like 7:30 in the morning?”

         “No shit Sherlock!  I’ve already done 3 shots of vodka and written more code than you will all day.  Now get your panties out of a bunch and do a shot with me to celebrate your first day!”

         “Isn’t drinking on the job frowned upon?” I asked.

          “The only thing that’s frowned upon, is not getting your fucking job done.  So do this shot with me and then go get your ass to work!”

         I hesitated for a split second, grabbed the shot of vodka Jim was holding out for me, then said, “Alright Jim, here’s to getting my fucking job done,” and threw the vodka down the back of my throat.  It was amazingly delicious.  From that moment forward, Jim and I were to become best friends.

          Later that day, I “bumped” into Jim in the bathroom.  He shot me a quick smile and said, “Steve-o, you’re just in time!”

         “Just in time for what?”  And that’s when Jim took out a small baggie of white powder from his front shirt pocket.

         “Are you fucking kidding me?”  I asked.

          Goddamn it, Steve, if you’re going to be such a whining pussy, then we’re not going to friends.”

          Steve then began cutting up lines for us right there on the bathroom counter.  He handed me a straw and joked, “ladies first!”

         I had never done blow before, but there was something about Jim that made me trust him.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *