JC stood there, lost deep within his thoughts, as he lazily washed the dishes from breakfast. A small smile came to his face as a thought of Mary popped into his head. Mary wasn’t like the other girls, no, not at all. You see, Mary had started developing at a much earlier age than them. The thought of what was under Mary’s robes made the smile of JC’s face grow even bigger, as a tingling sensation started to spread throughout his body.
“Jesus!” the sound of his name out of this mother’s mouth startled him out of his fantasy.
JC shook the thought out of his mind, “yes, mother?”
“Are you about done with those dishes?”
JC looked down at the sink, “yes, mother, I’m almost fin…”
“Well, get your lazy ass in gear and finish them,” Mary cut him off. “I need you to go grab some water from the well,” his mother instructed.
JC rolled his eyes and began washing the dishes again. “Did you just roll your eyes at me?” It was more of a statement than a question.
“Joseph, you tell our lazy-ass son if he disrespects me like that again, I’ll put the fear of god in him!”
“What was that, dear?” Joseph replied.
“Goddamn it, Joseph, do you ever listen to anything I say?”
Joseph stood admiring a chair he had just finished building. “I’m sorry dear, what were you saying?”
“Ugh! Never mind,” said Mary, as she shook her head at the two of them and started sweeping the floor.
Joseph and JC’s eyes met, and Joseph mouthed, “must be the blood of the lamb,” while he pointed to his crotch. They both let out a silent laugh and turned back to what they were doing.
JC finished putting the last dish in the drying rack, grabbed two water buckets, and headed out the door. “I’m going to get the water now,” he said to empty ears.
It was a beautiful spring day and JC was happy to be out of the house, even if it was only to get some water.
“JC! What’s up goatfucker?” goaded JC’s best friend, John, as he spotted JC across the way.
“Johnny boy! Not much, just finishing up these goddamn chores my mother keeps bitching about.”
“Word! I know exactly what you mean,” replied John. “My mom is constantly on my ass about doing shit around the house: John, clean your room. John, feed the animals. John, shovel the shit out of the manger. It’s nonstop with her!”
John and JC walked together through the middle of town towards the community well. People were bustling about, getting everything ready for the festival to take place in a couple of days when something caught John’s eye.
“Jesus Christ, would you look at that!” John exclaimed.
“What? What is it?” JC asked, looking around.
“Ten o’clock, goatfucker. And it’s not what is it, it’s who is it?”
JC stopped dead in his tracks. Mary-motherfucking-Magdalene! His jaw dropped open while he stared at Mary, the sun’s rays penetrating her robe, revealing everything his imagination had shown him earlier that morning.
“Jesus-fucking-Christ!” said JC.