Resistance

         I’m never going to be able to do this!  What the fuck was I thinking?

         John sat at his desk staring at a blank page.  He had been staring at that blank page for over 30 minutes now, trying to make the connection, trying to get something to come out, but nothing would come forth.  He continued to sit there, begging for something to happen.  It had been over a year now, and what had he produced?  Not a goddamn thing!  500 crappy words a day is all he asked of himself, asked of his muse, but that stubborn bitch was nowhere to be found.  Had She given up on him?

         What else do I need to do?  I’ve shown up to do the work, I’ve said my prayer to Her, I “believe” in what I’m doing.

         Maybe She was taking a break Herself.  John flipped the script and started to think about what it would be like to be in Her position.  He had told Her he would show up every day and write 500 words, but it had been over 20 days since he last showed up.  He couldn’t really blame Her for not being there.  Would he keep showing up to their meeting only to be disappointed that She decided to continually skip it?

         I’m sorry.  I don’t blame you.  I started the year with good intentions, only to fall short once again.  Why can’t I push past this obstacle?  Why do I keep allowing myself to get stuck?  Why can’t I finish anything I start?  I can’t fall any further than I am now.  I know what I need to do, so why can’t I do it?

         John sat in silence, allowing his disappointment to wash over him.

         Rule #7.

         A smile grin started to spread across John’s face.  Stop taking your writing so goddamn seriously.  Have fun with the process.  Be lighthearted, you dolt!

         Even though John hadn’t accomplished everything he wanted to that year, he still had some break-throughs and had produced some good work.  However, if another year went by and he was still in the same place, then…

         I can’t let myself fail.  I can’t let myself keep falling into the same trap.  I’ve got to overcome this pattern of failure.

         John sat back and started to think about what a successful year would look like for him and what it was going to take to get there.  He had two major projects he wanted to accomplish; 1) a digital self-improvement program and 2) write a novel.  He had already built the system necessary to complete them and the foundation on which they would be built upon, now all he had to do was follow the system and continue building upon the foundation.  Sounds pretty fucking simple, right?

         Life is pretty fucking simple, John thought to himself.  But it’s not fucking easy.

         John took a drink of water and look at what he had just written.  Another 500 crappy words.  What a piece of shit.  This needs to go immediately in the trash!

         But I’ll post it anyway.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.